Sinner's Lust in Winter Dust
by War of Glass
Summary: Beck is looking into darkness, tangled in his affair with Tori and killing Jade's love ever slowly.  :Oneshot:


Sinner's Lust in Winter Dust

One Shot

_**A/N-Because this oneshot seems rather popular with all of the reads, favorites and everything it's gotten, considering how terrible of a writer I am, and because I love you all, there will be a sequel to this story titled Wolves, which is a working title right now. It will be beta-ed/directed by let'sjustflyaway, my first beta ever. First sequel ever, first beta ever, there's a first time for everything. **_

_**I have a twitter now! **_

It was so dark in the distance. So gloomy, yet so inviting. He buried his face deeper into his jacket, staring off into the blackness that protruded from the woods. He had been there countless times before, to watch the stars, to listen to the nightlife that she loved. He had always rather been somewhere else than out there. It was uncomfortably cold and dark in the winter and relentless rain plagued it on summer afternoons. But he had grown to tolerate it, even like it because of her, this girl he met one random day, one random blur in the hallways who all of a sudden stood out from the faceless, nameless sheep. He could tell she was different. She was a wolf, dangerous but so damn beautiful. Being a gambling man, there was nothing to lose in one fling, one simple, short-lived fling. But she was the one to break the chains from his restrained heart, from his distant affection. That planned fling became a vision of forever. The girl he promised never to hurt had run off moments before, black tears running down her pastel face. Looking through the cloud of night, she searched for remorse, for regret. In his chocolate-dipped eyes, her green ones only saw the face every guy made when a girl cried, one of annoyance, one of wanting it to end so they can continue their apathy. He was an actor; masquerades of apathy came naturally to him now. She couldn't tell if he was crying or laughing on the inside. But it didn't matter now. He was a dog anyway, a bitch.

But what she didn't realize was just how good an actor her ex really was. On the inside his stomach was devouring itself. It was starved of happiness. He couldn't bring himself to feel numb if he sat naked in the snow that gathered below them, and that terrified him. The anguish on her face made him choke back tears of his own. How could this be the wolf that he knew, the fearless, cold wolf that comforted him when he was down? He couldn't even remember a time when she had come to him crying. Now it was him making her weep and sob. Like an innocent sheep.

"Do you still love me, Beck?" She asked, brushing her dark hair from her face.

The silence made her cringe. He extended his arms to her but she shoved them away, stumbling back into an old tree. The force jerked another sob from her. They stayed in silence for another moment. He stared at her as she leant against the tree, staring at the crystals covered in shadow by her feet, that same shadow clouded her mind and surged through her veins, suffocating each and every blood cell. She felt like she was dying, and she would have preferred it that way. She hugged herself, clasping her arms, as if feeling the slow, torturous death. But it was probably the lack of a coat and hat.

"I love what we had."

Her response was weak, it hurt to speak. "But do you love _me_?"

Unlike her, he let his hair cover his face. His shame hurt as much as her suffocating shadows. "I will always love you."

"Acting really has made you a good liar."

"You asked. Why don't you believe my answer?" He sighed.

"Because I'm me, Beck, Jade West, I'm the goddamn _queen _of lying."

"Like when you always said you cared for me?"

"No, you idiot. Like when I stormed off those countless times and said I never wanted to see you again. And you always believed me."

"No, no I didn't."

"If you're so good, Beck, how'd you know?" She spat.

"Because every morning I would wake to find that you had snuck back into my arms."

She broke their gaze and looked back down.

"You know, you never really did say you ever loved me. Like you said, it was always simply 'care'."

"Care is never simple. And I thought I never needed to say it. You always said actions speak louder than words, and every kiss should have proven my love."

"I guess so, but I'm not the bad guy here. You are, you ass!"

He turned his head as snow slid down his neck and into his shirt. While she wiped the snow from her hand onto her black, ripped pants, he spoke.

"I never said what I did was right. Jade, I can't say I'm sorry enough."

"I've heard 'sorry' too many times, Beck."

She got up from the tree and began making exaggerated steps to move in the deep snow.

"Where are you going?"

"Where I always go."

"But I never know where that is."

"Exactly."

"Jade, stop!"

"How about you go to hell!" she hissed, gasping as she tripped and fell into the snow. Beck nearly lost her form in the dark because the snow nearly consumed her. He made her look clumsy as he effortlessly ran through the snow to help her up. She shrugged his hand off of her arm and struggled to get up. She cursed under her breath and brushed off the crystals that made her skin sparkle, even in the bitter darkness. Beck took off his jacket and wrapped it around her. This, she didn't resist against. It was her favorite jacket of his.

"Leather." She spoke casually, rubbing it.

"Yeah."

"Is this what you wore with her?"

"Jade…"

"Never mind, I don't want to know…you ass."

_Tori watched as he took off his shirt, a scar revealing itself on his back. It was fresh and bloody. She noticed the way it complimented his tanned body. He looked like one of those gladiators from Rome she watched on TV, beautiful, dangerous, cunning, mysterious, everything she could hope for in a dream. _

_His room was surprisingly clean, save for the shirt and bag he had just thrown on the wood floor. The room itself was fairly modest and he had books stacked on a shelf by the window that the moon guarded. He wasn't flashy, in fact he wasn't anything like her dreams. He was better._

_He looked at her sitting on his bed, examining his room while he soaked the wound with a wet rag. He chuckled. "Everything alright?"_

_She blushed. "Yeah, sorry, just…wondering why you were stupid enough to play football shirtless."_

"_I didn't wanna sweat."_

"_But it was outside, Beck. And it's winter."_

"_Still. We won didn't we? And maybe I was trying to impress you...maybe."_

"_You don't need to impress me." She muttered under her breath._

"_What was that, Tori?"_

"_Um, nothing."_

_He stopped cleaning the blood and walked over to her, leaning down and bringing his face close to hers. She stood frozen until he slowly brought his cold lips to hers. She instantly was lost. She couldn't tell the difference between fantasy and reality anymore. That should have scared her, but it made her the happiest girl in the world. Her hands were afraid to wander, despite her relentless wanderlust. What she would not do, he did in excess. His put his hand behind her head and brought her closer. Her kiss made him feel loved, loved in a way never before. This love felt like admiration, it felt like wonder. Her eyes were closed; she was surely gone to a dream world. But his eyes wandered upon her face like a paintbrush, coloring in her features he would be sure to not forget. The way her tanned tone was darker by her eyes and nose, and her chin and neck were a lighter color, gracefully illuminated by the guard outside. Her frizzled hair scattered over her, hiding her emotions, hiding her secrets. Her lips that his crushed against felt like pina colada flavored marshmallows. Her lip gloss made them not only taste like Heaven, but they glistened in the dim light, like a thousand shimmering diamonds scattered in the crevices of her lips, or like the snow that flurried heavy outside. _

_He took his mouth from hers and her eyes opened as if he flicked a light switch._

"_What's wrong?"_

"_Are you sure you want to do this?"_

"_Why wouldn't I be?"_

"_Well, you've never done this before."_

"_I think I'm ready, and I'm sure I know who and what I want." _

_His eyes narrowed as he looked for an expression that spoke more than words, a technique he had picked up from the one who not be named. She diverted her eyes and blushed again. The pinkish- red was faint in her caramel skin._

"_Tori look at me."He demanded._

_She almost forgot to breath, caught off guard by the sudden command in his voice._

_The chocolate in her eyes made him hungry, made him long for her. She closed her eyes and he brought his lips to her eyelids and kissed them gently. He stood up and started to unbuckle the black belt from his pants. She gasped and grabbed hold of his wrists. _

"_No, not yet." She spoke, this time it was her who was demanding, even in her pleading. _

_There would have been an awkward silence if not for the quiet music that played in the background, which eerily fit the mood of the night. "Okay." He said, lowering down over her. As he came down, she backed up farther onto the bed, so far that she was laying down now in his Jade- scented sheets. She tightened her hands into fists and bit her lip as he kissed her neck. Under her breath, she continually muttered, "I've dreamt of this so long." But he didn't hear her, and he never stopped to question. When Beck stopped, she wasn't afraid to wander now. Her hands grazed his chest as if she was composing a painting of her own, etching in every detail of his toned figure and muscles that seemed to be reinforced with steel, but that was just the feeling of guilt setting in his stomach. _

"_Can you put your arms up?" He whispered._

_She did as told, and he grabbed her t-shirt and pulled it over her delirious head. She wasn't wearing a bra, and he wondered if she planned, or at least, hoped for this. Hesitantly, he cupped her breast and watched her as she shifted in the bed. _

"_I can stop if you want."_

"_Don't be cruel. I want you to."_

_Beck's hair hid his face as always and to her, he was just a mysterious stranger who she was losing everything to. But she had known him for years. He was a close friend, and now, a lover. So why did everything feel so foreign, so strange? This was in her dreams. This one moment lived in at least twenty falling stars in her heart. Wasn't it supposed to happen?_

_His finger grazed over her coffee-colored nipple, making her fight for air when a fight wasn't needed. She was over exaggerating to every touch. He did it again and she sighed into his hair, making it shift slightly. His tongue touched her, and her eyes became a pale, ghostly white before her beautiful irises returned, droopy and glazed over. He continued to touch her breasts as he kissed her. _

"_So take this night…wrap it around me like a sheet." Tori whispered._

_Beck smiled into her mouth. "You know this song?"_

_Tori smiled back and nodded drowsily. They continued kissing for moments before he reached down and unbuttoned her jeans. She grabbed his wrist with both of her hands, pulling back._

_He tried to analyze her again. "I'm sorry?"_

"_Don't be, just…go slow."_

_And slow, he was, all for her. Beneath her underwear there was true Heaven. Beck moved his fingers and Tori lost herself in his touch. _

"_God…"She breathed into his neck, burying her face into it, kissing it before another gasp broke itself free. _

"_Yes?" He responded, forcing a weak giggle from her. _

_She began to buck against him and her breath exhaled faster. "Beck, Beck stop."_

_Despite his frustration, he quickly withdrew his hand from her. She breathed heavy, her eyes were shut tight._

"_Are you okay?"_

"_More than…"_

_He smiled. "Did you…?"_

"_No, no I don't think so."_

_Beck nodded, bowing his head to look at her stomach. _

"_Are you…are you ready?"_

"_Are you?"_

"_I am if you are."_

"_You know Tori, I feel like I'm pressuring you into this." _

"_No, trust me you're not."_

_Beck nodded again and sat up, taking off his pants. _

"_Do you have…um…?"_

"_Yeah, yeah I do." Beck answered, leaving the bed and heading out of the room. Tori closed her eyes and ran her fingers through her hair, still trying to gain back her breath. She felt so alive, but so vulnerable, so empowered, but so guilty. He made her feel beautiful but she was sure she made him sick to his stomach. She wasn't stupid, she knew that Jade was all over the sheets she was now tangled in. _

"I don't know what to say, Jade."

"Don't say anything and just let me leave, forever this time. You won't be waking up to me in your arms."

"Jade…"

"You know, you keep saying my name but nothing comes after it. You always said actions speak louder than words, so why don't you just shut up and fucking kill me, huh?"

"Jade…To-

"There it is again! My name! Maybe I should change my name to something really long so I'll have the chance to interrupt you next time!" She cried, lunging forward and attempting to slap him, but he caught her arm.

"Can you calm down?"

"Was she good, was she really good, Beck?" She cried again, the black mascara burning her cheeks.

"Stop it!" Beck yelled, struggling with her.

They struggled for moments before Jade's anger disappeared as soon as it came and she collapsed in Beck's arms, sobbing loudly. This was what Beck was never prepared for. He never thought he'd be holding her, consoling her, protecting her…from himself, go figure.

They sat on a tree as Jade collected and pieced herself together again. Beck sat an empty shell. He had to hear every inhale of resentment, and every exhale of regret. He had to hear the cracking and breaking of her voice, and he had to feel the acidic tears on his forearm as he held her. He was sure he was dead because his relationship and memories with her flashed before his eyes, making them darker and narrower.

Jade smacked her lips a few times before wetting them enough to speak. "My face is cold."

"That's because you never wiped away your tears. You just let them sit there and freeze over."

She looked up at him.

"Here, let me." He said, and then he wiped her drying streaks away.

They sat for a long time in cold, dark silence before she got up from his arms and started walking off farther into the pitch black woods. "Don't follow me." She said. "Don't ever follow me."

Beck still sat against the tree and watched as she walked off and out of his life.

"_Please…please…" Tori whispered as Beck thrusted in her."Be gentle." She cried._

_Beck stopped and he apologized. "It's just the way Jade liked it…I'm sorry." He said. He could feel her tense below him and he knew he had said the forbidden name of the night. They heard a dangling at the head of the bed and they saw the serpent necklace that Jade was given by Beck hitting against the headboard. Beck and Tori both dodged each other's eyes._

"_Take me." Tori pleaded._

_Beck stayed still a little while before she called out again. "Beck, take me." She pleaded once more._

_The music in the background played "I know I'm not forgiven, but I need a place to sleep…."_

_Beck did as told, this time fiercely looking her in her once innocent, big, brown, puppy-dog eyes. As he thrusted, tears escaped her and she began to weep. Beck kissed her intensely and began to tear up himself. He couldn't be strong for Tori. He couldn't even be strong for himself. If she had walked into the bathroom at any time before leaving the next morning, she would have seen the broken mirror shattered on his floor. _

_Tori was reaching the edge of a perfect mountain with a perfect peak, and a perfect slope down into a deep, dreamless sleep in her guilty fantasy's arms. Soon, Beck was seemingly asleep below her, and she rested on his warm, inviting chest. She noticed her hand shaking a little and she tried desperately to stop it. She was so scared. They both were. _

"_Please don't say you love me." Beck muttered, breaking the silence._

_Tori was crushed, but strangely understood. Despite the understanding, she said, "I love you."_

It was so dark in the distance. So gloomy, yet so inviting. He felt the sting of the lonely cold against his cheeks, staring off into the blackness that protruded from the woods. There were no stars to watch that night, and all the nightlife seemed to be simply gone. He got up from leaning on the tree that comforted him and Jade, and he walked a bit until he noticed something in the snow. He reached down and his hand dug into the cold, sharp crystals until he brought up a serpent necklace. He fought back tears as he wrapped it around his neck. He knew that once he went home, he wouldn't wake up to Jade in his arms, forgiven him already and looking to move forward. There would be no Tori, as she had been avoiding him for weeks. He was alone that night, he would be alone the next night, and as far as the foreseeable future could foretell. His veins felt filled with cloudy shadows, and his heart was ripped to shreds. His sheep still had wolf undertones. His masquerade of apathy was faltering. He looked out into the night for once more flash of a red, beating heart, and then turned to walk away. But he was lost. There was darkness everywhere.


End file.
